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Surprisingly good book! I had only a few expectations, but it turned out to be very interesting and was fun to share.

A wonderful book that was very hard for me to find own my own looking through bookstores. But it was so easy to find it on Amazon. Thank you Amazon!

This book takes 20 characters from Shakespeare's plays to present some of Shakespeare's thoughts on how to allow for more love in one's life.

Falstaff: Let others feel good in your presence. "Don't succumb to a 'pie concept' of the world that implies that for you to be great, others must be less great." If someone says something interesting, don't one-up them, just say, "I never thought of that." "In a race between wit and decency, as the Bard implies, wit will come out a distant second." Falstaff appears in four of Shakespeare's plays and Verdi wrote an opera about him.

Polonius: Most people prefer to be heard or felt rather than given advice. "Compulsive advice givers are uncomfortable in their own skin. They know that something is wrong in their lives but can't identify it, so they constantly regulate other people - a solution which serves to pass along their discomfort." To deal with advice givers, it's ok to identify what they are doing, "John, so far you've told me four ways to improve my life and we've only been together a half hour. What's going on?"

Valentine: There are three types of flattery. Most people are familiar with "expedient flattery," using dishonest praise to achieve some ends and with "cavalier flattery," using over the top praise for sarcastic entertainment but Shakespeare loved "flattery of genuine delight." With genuine feelings of delight and love, it's healthy to celebrate our positive feelings with words and many of Shakespeare's sonnets are expressions of this. Relationship are enriched when "flattery of delight" takes place for example when a woman is told how beautiful her eyes are.

Othello: Take personal responsibility for your life. "Without realizing it, everyone is drawn to the person who holds himself responsible for his actions. "If you've made a mistake, own up to it without excuses, and supply whatever information is needed to correct it. "If you constantly talk about the world as crooked and unfair ... then you are inviting people to see you as a poor victim of forces beyond your control. Soon you will see yourself the same way." Shakespeare didn't believe in fatalism even though many around him did. "Shakespeare is our great teacher of dignity through personal responsibility ... Psychotherapy is often virtually synonymous with helping the [person] to assume responsibility for his life."

Antonio: Making people feel guilty is immature. "No matter how abused we feel by someone for whom we have done a great deal, we will only end up feeling worse if we succumb to listing the favors that we have done for this person ... Citing what we've done for a person in the past nearly always implies that we feel helpless in the present." "Love and lists don't go together ... When the urge to confront the person with a list comes over you, ask yourself, 'Why do I need this credit?'" "If you're dealing with an ingrate, cut your losses."

Marc Anthony: How to give a speech. Clearly state your purpose and don't expect the audience to read your mind. Begin the speech with whatever common ground you can find, "We both want .. We both value .. We both care about ..." Keep your points or requests down to a minimum otherwise they will feel overwhelmed and helpless. Appeal to the listener's emotions, but make it look like you're appealing to reason. Never tell your listeners how to feel. Never communicate self-pity because the other person will feel that they are at fault. Imply that there's more than you have told them. Apparently Shakespeare's version of Anthony's speech was memorized by millions of schoolchildren as it was regarded as an effective example of how to be persuasive.

Hamlet: Inertia and decision making. "As children our fantasies for the future may run wild. Everything is open to us. Nothing is decided as yet ... The desire for limitless options is a powerful deterrent to decision making ..." Life improves with practice and we learn from mistakes. Blaming others "amounts to turning yourself into an infant."

Caesar: Feelings are important. "When you know what you're feeling, you are least apt to do something foolish." "Emotions are natural warning signals put there by nature to give you clues ... Once you know what you are feeling, you are in control." "Don't condemn yourself for any emotion and don't mock an emotion in others ... Treasure your feelings more than any device that might eliminate them."

Horatio: Don't put yourself down. Notice the kinds of berating things you say to yourself and then ask yourself how you would feel and respond if someone said those same things to you. If your friend is making devaluating comments about himself, you can reply with, "Hey, cut it out. I don't like to hear you put yourself down."

Cleopatra: Female Deception. "People who have been treated badly by one or both parents are especially vulnerable to mystique-people. They are unconsciously repeating their childhood efforts to get through to a difficult parent. It's as if they were comfortable with neglect because it is the only atmosphere they know. ... Set limits in your own mind. Would any amount of neglect or game playing be too much for you to take? Suppose the person didn't change his ways for a month, a year, five, years. Suppose he virtually never volunteered warmth or extended himself. Could you live a lifetime in the cold? Would it be worth it?"

Richard: A recap on co-dependency. Does your life revolve around another person's moods? "Too much scrutiny of someone else's wishes will rob you of imagination and independence."

Fortinbras: When someone's presence reminds you of something about yourself which you'd rather not admit to yourself. If you meet someone who poses no threat to you but at the same time you dislike this person, it's probably because they are unknowingly and unintentionally reminding you of something about yourself that you have been putting off facing. Regard their presence as a gift for additional self awareness.

Romeo: The art of love is recognition and be sure your standards are you own. "Remember that if you're with a person whom you don't love, all the approval in the world will only make you feel more lonely. The envy of others will only make you see your "successful" relationship as more of a mockery. And if you're with the right person, even the most scathing assaults can hardly dim your happiness." Don't marry someone for vanity. Shakespeare wrote, "O hell, to choose love by another's eyes!", "But oh, how bitter a thing it is to look into happiness through another man's eyes!" To help you choose the right partner notice how you feel with this person and as a bonus to see if you both can grow together, "to love, honor, and evolve with."

Prospero: Find someone to care about. "Don't consider yourself crafty if you've escaped being needed by anyone."

Sly: Narcissistic delusion. You are not defined by your external conditions. You are how you feel, connections to loved ones, inner goals, virtues, thoughts in the body ("spirit in matter"), etc. "The best way to lift yourself spiritually, to give yourself the sense that you are as valid a person as anyone alive, is to drop all distinction between people, and treat them all with dignity, even if you disagree with them."

Portia: Mercy. Apparently someone extended mercy to Shakespeare when he was in serious trouble as a teenager. The experience allowed him to connect with people and he went on to teach the world about our humanity through his plays. The word mercy is rarely ever mentioned by counselors but in Shakespeare's works, it is mentioned 94 times. Extending mercy to oneself is also a productive thing to do.

Iago: Dealing with difficult people. Envious people want to see others unhappy. Sometimes it's very subtle. "Many compulsive advice givers are jealous people at heart. 'You should save your money instead of taking such costly vacations.' This may seem to express concern, but it is often a jealous person's attempt to rob you of your enjoyment by making you feel guilty."

Desdemona: Don't bend yourself into a pretzel in order to make a relationship work. "Don't imagine that if you fix the one or two things he says are wrong with you, then all will be well. The problem almost always goes much deeper. And the problem is his, not yours."

Malvolio: The midlife phase of life is not meant to last forever. Losses are mourned and insights are gained as a more meaningful way of being and living becomes available.

King Lear: To not grow psychologically old before your time: Remain a student. "Behind every effort to learn something challenging and new is the notion of tomorrow." Don't memorialize the past. "Resist announcing to people how vital or capable you used to be or how marvelous people thought you were years ago. Tell[ing] stories about your glory days ... are almost sure to be irrelevant and to sound out of place." Value dialogue. Don't "talk in blocks as if [you] have little speeches prepared." Enjoy younger people and don't compete with them. "No matter how old you are, you don't need to have the last word ... Your identity is not at stake." Develop and maintain at least some artistic or aesthetic pursuit - a love of art, music, beauty in nature. For Shakespeare it was flowers. Don't complain about getting older. "[it] borders on implying that you are the only one with the problem. It's a narcissistic ... thing to do." If someone does complain about it, you can reply in your own words with something like, "Madam, have comfort. All of us have cause to wail the dimming of our shining star; But none can cure their harms by wailing them. Madam, my mother, I do cry you mercy." "By, 'cry you mercy,' Shakespeare might have meant 'I wish you the best,' but I think he more likely meant, 'Please have mercy on me.' This is how most listeners feel."

This book also offers a clear introduction to several of Shakepeare's plays and I think high school teachers may find it to be a nice icebreaker/motivator to give to their students before teaching a full Shakespearean play.

A light and educational combination of literature and self improvement.

I have this book in the house and have had it for years and something a friend said jogged my memory. I looked to see if it was still available and so glad to see it is. This book really made a difference in my life. It taught me to trust my instincts when I was up against crazy people by helping me to identify and deal with them. Sometimes we wonder if we are just being impatient or intolerant, but this very insightful book taught me to trust my feelings that now I am dealing with someone who is not quite right and sometimes just way off. I highly recommend this book as it gives great insights in a very readable and interesting way. Don't let the Shakespeare put you off. This is a book about human character and behavior and I still pick it up once in awhile when I am wondering about someone to see if I can find some answers and I usually do.

A magnificent, easily read, book brimming with insights both psychotherapeutic and Shakespearean. You'll know a lot more about yourself after reading this, proving once again that the Bard knows more about you than you'll ever know about him.
Highly recommended.

I really enjoyed reading this book. I became aware of the relevance of Shakespeare to our present culture and how our everyday experiences could be transformed by thinking about the values that Shakespeare, very cleverly, used in his dramas. I wished Shakespeare was taught at school the way Mr. Weinberg & Mrs Rowe represent him in their book.